You're still the one
by McChicky
Summary: Meredith and Derek are engaged, but something happens the night before the wedding...Meredith wakes up in hospital..drama ensues! Merder orientated. PS..sorry for the bad summary, and thanks to AdulterousWhore for helping me get my head around my nonsense
1. Look what happened

**Author's note: ****My first attempt at a greys fic, hope it's not totally rubbish and that you enjoy it :) I have it planned out, so I know where I'm going with this, but school work makes it hard for me to update, but I'll try my best if you would like me to continue. Please review as they make it sooo much easier to find motivation to write :)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any part of Grey's Anatomy, though I so wish I did, and I do not own any of the characters, although I may alter how some of them behave for fic purposes.  
**

_Love. Everyone wants it. Some never find it. Some live all their life with someone to love. And some, some find it, live it and love it...then have it all snatched away from them just like that. Love makes the world go round? Sometimes. But as Franklin Jones once said, "Love doesn't make the world go round. Love makes the ride worthwhile." This, this is true, this I agree with. But what really gets me...is when that ride breaks down, and you're stuck, stuck dangling with all the blood rushing to your head and your drink down your top. That's where I am. That's me, me with the coke staining my new white dress and my hair caught up in the candyfloss... If you ask me, I'd say Love's a dodgy fairgroud ride....and I HATE fairgroud rides....._

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Meredith let herself fall onto the nurses station seat, completely out of energy and all set to start glaring at the pile of post op notes that were taunting her. She shoved them away so that they were out of her peripheral vision, and just to be on the safe side, she put a plant in front of them, ultimately obscuring her view of them completely. Her whole body was aching, she needed sleep. She fiddled with the heavy ring on her left hand before collapsing forwards, resting her head on her hands and letting out a deep sigh. No sooner had she got about as comfortable as she was likely to get in her current position, then someone rudely started nuzzling into the crook of her neck. She wriggled her shoulders and tried to shove away the persistant neck nuzzler, but still he prevailed. He wasn't going to win this one, no WAY was he getting into her panties tonight, no sex! She was just too tired...but that didn't mean she couldn't have a little fun now. After numerous shoves, and a few rather violent shakes, Meredith finally gave up and whirled around. Her stony gaze fell upon those soft dreamy blue eyes. He tilted his head in a way that only he seemed able to pull off, and looked down at her, a quizzical expression on his face.

"What?" Meredith gave him her very best dark glare and folded her arms.

"Oh, nothing, I was just wondering if your tiny ineffectualy fists have taken a leave of absence. Because if so I'm going to need to buy a face guard to protect my perfect face from your ineffectual shoulder shoving. So, tell me Dr Grey...am I going to have to make a trip to the sport store or not? Hmm?" He tried his best to keep a serious face, but Meredith saw that knowing smirk emerging from the corner of his lip, and that mischeivous twinkle in his eye.

She shrugged her tiny ineffectual shoulders, picked up the plant concealing her work and placed it in Derek's hands. With that, she scooped up her notes, brushed past Derek and called over her shoulder,

"I'm sorry Dr Shepard, but I have work to do, can't talk now. Goodbye!" She opened the door on her right, turned in and shut the door behind her, only to find...

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Derek watched Meredith stalk off into the store cupboard with amusement, and, after weighing up his options, he walked purposefully towards said door, and called through,

"Meredith?" He paused to wait for the yelling that would no doubt begin any second. He raised an eyebrow and carried on, amused. "You do realise that you're....charting....in a closest, right?" He paused again, raising an eyebrow and smiling, "now you're just freaking me out Mere. No yelling? I'm coming in!" He composed himself, holding back a snort of laughter, and turned the handle of the door, taking a step into the closet...

Meredith was staring intently at an IV drip, and holding a syringe in one hand, her post op notes in the other. Derek got the impression that she was either a) fighting back the urge to yell at him, or b) fighting back the urge to jump him. Hoping it was the second option, Derek walked forwards and moved his body close to Meredith's. His body breathing in her hair...he delighted in the fact that she tensed her body upwards, moving closer to him. Then, just as she started to turn around, he reached up and grabbed a blanket from the shelf. "Would you look at that? I was looking for one of these! Patient in 214 is a little chilly," he gave a theatrical shiver to prove his point, then gave her his best school boy smirk, "...see you later Dr Grey..." He made to leave, when a small ineffectual fist pounded his back.

"Hey!" Meredith scowled at him, teasing him just how he was teasing her. Waiting for him to make the next move, she waited in anticipation of what was to come.

"So...this work," Derek turned around to face Meredith, "can you do it alone, or do you need a handsome neurosurg-"

Unable to wait till he finished his sentence, she ran forwards and pushed him up against the wall of the cupboard, running her hands through his perfect hair, shivering delightedly as he moved his hands over the skin under her scrub top. He turned her around so he was pinning her against the wall, his hands on either side of her, and her hands running up and down his body, not resting for a second. It was only when during another spin round, when they knocked over a shelf of inturbators, that they finally broke apart. Meredith gazed up at her fiance, moving to touch her ring again, to check it was still there. Ever since he had given it to her, just a few days ago on the land where they were to build their dream house on, she had become paranoid she would do something that a clumsy Meredith like herself would do. Her biggest nightmare was that she would lose it inside a patient, who would then die from... She rambled on in her head until Derek's voice intercepted her train of rambling and made her look up to him again.

"Mer..." He grinned at her, tilting his head and smiling that oh-so-McDreamy smile down at her.

She couldn't help but smile back at him and lean up to kiss him just once more...very quickly...a few more seconds...and a few more....

She was wondering how long she could get away with her 'quick kiss' for, when an oxygen mask fell on her head, jolting her to her senses. They had gone and had a dreamy kiss again, that involved hitting objects and crashing into things...the cupboard's floor was strewn with medical stuff. Her and derek looked at the mess, then back to one another, and burst out laughing....

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"Flowers!" Meredith had barely put her plate of fries and salad down before izzie had thrust a bridal magazine in her face. "Look! These ones are Siroi lilies, and these are, oh i love these ones! They're the November lily! Look at how pretty they are mer!!!" Izzie shoved the magazine further into her space, Meredith saw she was about to launch into a big long speech about flower arrangements, and what she should have for her bouquet, and what flowers should be on the tables...and she really, really, didn't want another flowers speech.

She glanced over at Cristina, who was suturing some grapes, and she merely raised an eyebrow at the grapes, a smirk playing on her lips. Meredith focussed back on the problem of how to shut Izzie up. "Iz! Look, they're lovely, really, very nice...but...i don't DO flowers, okay? How about, I let YOU plan my wedding, hmm? You choose the flowers, the tablecloths, everything down to the colour of nail polish the bridesmaids will be wearing. You do it all...except my dress...I want to choose that, I want to choose the dress that I marry Derek in...apart from that though, it's all you." She held her breath, waiting for the high pitched scream she knew was coming her way.

"OH MY GOD! Seriously? I mean...SERIOUSLY?! This is your wedding mer, and, for you to let me...and..trust me..and...it's just so....THANK YOU! I will not let you down, this is gonna be the best freaking wedding you're ever gonna have!" Izzie beamed from ear to ear, practically glowing.

"Well it's the only one I ever plan on having Iz," Meredith giggled, "it's my happy ever after." She smiled and leaned back in her chair, picking up a fry and popping it into her mouth...

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Cristina held up her shot of tequila, "To Meredith! She's finally getting hitched, dumping us for Mcdroopy...noo...Mcdrainy...what was it again?" She stared at her tequila, hoping it was going to tell her the answer. When it remained silent she carried on with her speech, "Anyway, Meredith is getting married to her McWhatever, and it's all very happy, and I don't really care...I DO like that we all get tequila though! Hey! Did you all know that, that...you can get a mini chair, for like...a dollar?" Everyone burst out laughing, none too sure why they were, but the tequila made everything funny. "Geooorrgyyyy!" Cristina looked over at George, who was sat with his arms folded and head looking down at his line of tequila shots. "Georgyyyy! You're..." Cristina snorted, " you're not still pissed that you're at a hen party are you? It's not like it makes you a girllll or anything...come on bammmbii! Give us a little strip! Do the Bambi monty!" She shimmied at George and burst out laughing, Izzie and Meredith started banging the table, all of them yelling "Bambi, Bambi, strip strip strip!!"

"NO! I'm a guy at a stupid hen party, I'm not gonna strip for you! Why did I have to come anyway?" George sulked and downed another shot.

"'Cos Georgy, you're my George! You're the glue, you hold us together, and you're such a good kisserrr, and it's my last night of freedom so I might wanna kiss a guy, and seeing as we've done it before, despite the fact that it was uncomfortable and I wouldn't want to repeat it, you're a good kisser," Meredith grinned a drunken grin "you're my boy, one of my many boys actually...and I need my boy here on my last night of freedom!" She put on a mock sober/serious face, "Now, suck it up, and show me some muscle Bambi boy!" Everyone cheered and Cristina threw a couple of bills at him.

"FINE!" George stood up on the table they had snagged at Joe's, and signalled for the music to be turned up. Ironically, the Fully Monty theme music came on, George looked over to the Jukebox to see Alex laughing his head off, jeering him on. He downed two more shots and began to shuffle around on the table. Izzie wooped and Cristina and Meredith started dancing around the table, singing and dancing. Meredith climbed up to him and pulled off his T-shirt and put the bunny ears that they had forced upon George, on top of her own head.

"Dance Georgy, dance!" She laughed her adorable laugh and started jumping up and down.

"Mer don't do that! Don't jump, you'll fall, we'll both fall!" George tried to grab her, but she was too far drunk to hear him. She made to jump again, but lost her footing and fell down off the table and onto the floor of the bar.

"Meredith!" He jumped off the table, everyone crowded round her... "Meredith...Mer-" The sounds drowned away and darkness closed in around Meredith, her smile playing around her lips, and her bunny ears lopsided and crushed...

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Meredith opened her bleary eyes slowly. Her head felt ready to explode and her body ached. What had happened? She had been at Joe's...her hen party!! God this must be the worlds worst hangover...but...wait, she had fallen, there had definately been some falling involved, and bunny's...something about bunny's. Bunny's? What the hell? Her brain must be messing with her. She reached out to touch her left hand, praying she hadn't lost it in the fall. Nope, still there, she could feel it wrapped around her finger, safe and at home. She sat up slowly, and took in her surroundings. Sterile walls, heart moniter, Iv drip...the hospital? She was in hospital? How bad was that fall?! She slowly moved her legs so they were hanging over the side of the bed and was about to get up to find Derek when she realised....her hen party... HER HEN PARTY! She was supposed to be getting married today! What the hell was she doing in hospital! She was about to take out the wires connected to her, when he walked in. Derek, her Derek.

"Derek! Oh my god! I'm so so so sorry, look, I'll just get Tyler to discharge me then I'll run to the Church, don't worry, everything will be fine. We are going to get married today!" She flung her arms around him and breathed in his scent, and for a moment Derek took her in too, then pushed her back and laid her down on the bed. "Derek? What are you doing?" She made to encircle her arms around him again, but he moved back, his face a mixture of pain, longing, and confusion. "Derek..."

"What are you on about Meredith? You're married, to Finn, don't you remember your own wedding day?" He laughed scornfully. He looked at her chart, you're recovering well from the car crash, should be out in a day or so. I think you just have temporary concussion...any questions?" He didn't look at her, just wrote a few notes down on a chart and shut it abruptly.

"Car crash? I wasn't in a car crash Derek, why are you saying these things?" Her body was shaking now, everything was falling apart...why was everything falling apart? "What's happened? Why are you being like this? It's our wedding day, I was drinking, my hen party...I fell....what happened?" Meredith felt tears prick at her eyes. "Finn? Why would I be married to him when I'm marrying you? Wait, who the hell is Finn?!! But...our happy ending Derek, why aren't we getting our happy ending?" Tears fell freely down her cheeks, her mind a muddle of thoughts.

"Seriously? You don't remember? We WERE going to get married, three years ago. Then, you fell. You fell and freaked out, you changed, you didn't love me anymore and you just. You changed Meredith. You changed." Meredith could see the pain in his eyes, she had hurt him, so badly. Derek continued talking, "You became your mother, career obsessed, you became the woman you never wanted to be. Then you met Finn and 'fell in love'," he practically spat out those three words. "So, no, Meredith, we are not married, and we did not get our 'happy ending'." With that he stalked out of the room, leaving Meredith to sob into her pillow....


	2. Life as they know it

**Author's note:  Thanks for the reviews, really help me to write more :)  Sorry this bit is a bit short, and it's a bit rambly, but I wanted to show Meredith's reaction to everything happening...hope it's not too bad. Enjoy!**

**And again I do not own any part of Grey's, sadly.  
**

What had happened? What had she done to change into her mother, what had changed her? Why did her life go wrong? Meredith didn't see how she could have let something, anything, change herself so much that she no longer wanted to marry her knight in shining...whatever. She felt a tear run down her cheek, closely followed by another, and another. Soon she was sobbing into her hands, tears flowing freely down her face and gathering at the corners of her lips. The salty liquid falling into her mouth, the taste bitter sweet on her tongue. She just didn't understand that something could have changed her, changed her life, so dramatically.

Now Derek hated her, and not one of her friends had been to see her. Cristina hadn't even come to sit on the bed with her and rant about stupid cars hitting people and not looking where they were going. Izzie hadn't come in with flowers and balloons and grapes like she usually would, all full of optimism and goodness. George hadn't come in and offered to plump up her pillows or act all nervous and knock stuff over. As for Alex, well, Alex hadn't even found the time to come in to be moody and generally just mope around. She grabbed a tissue from the box by her bed and wiped her eyes, trying to compose herself, when she noticed a medical journal lying on the table. She picked it up, hoping to maybe get her mind off of the fact that her world was falling apart around her.

Tyler walked into the room, "I'm just going to check your vitals Dr. Grey." Meredith nodded in acknowlegement, briefly glancing up before returning to the journal. She flicked through the pages non-commitedly and wiped her eyes again, when her brain clicked. Hurridly she turned the pages back until she saw it. The two page spread on the Grey-method, only, it wasn't a big picture of her mother in full scrub regalia that she saw. Nope. It was her, Meredith Grey. Meredith Grey wearing pale blue scrubs with a lab coat over them. Meredith Grey with the two page spread on her cutting edge breakthrough in the treatment of Alzheimers. The cutting edge breakthrough that she had published in this journal a year ago...that she had no recollection of doing. That's when it hit her, what Derek had been saying about her being married to some guy called Finn, and how it had been three years since she had called of her and Derek's wedding...three years. THREE YEARS! "Three years!" Meredith shouted at Tyler, and grabbed his arm, draggin him down to eye level with her, "THREE YEARS! Why don't I remember three years of my life? Three very very important years, Tyler, in which I _apparantly _got married to some guy I have no recollection of, and _apparantly _published a major medical breakthrough on ALZHEIMERS!"

She paused for breath, in which Tyler took the opportunity to release himself from Meredith's death grip and back away out of grabbing distance.

"Dr. Grey? Is something...wrong?" He had a look of fear in his eyes, like she might bite his head off, like she had him in a trap...

"I don't remember, I...I've forgotten, all of it...and I called off the wedding and I don't know why...it's all gone....THREE YEARS Tyler! Why am I in hospital? Last thing I remember was falling off the table at Joe's on the night of my hen party...what went wrong...what went wrong..." Her body convulsed, sobbing hysterically, clutching at her long hair...no...her short hair, her hair that was now cut to just under her jaw line. But she _hated _ her hair short, she looked like her mother with short hair...she sobbed harder, the tears coming thick and fast. She curled up her knees and tucked them under her chin, wrapping her arms around her legs, and resting her head on top of her knees, crying heavily all the while.

She cried for what seemed like hours to her, but was probably just a few minutes outside of crazy-Meredith-land, and looked up to see Tyler still standing a few feet away from her, waiting for her to stop crying. She smiled gratefully at him, he warily returned it half-heartedly, that fear still in his eyes.

"Dr. Grey, I...well...It appears that you are showing symptoms of Post-traumatic retrograde amnesia. You were in a car accident last night, nothing too serious, but you took a fairly severe blow to the head from crashing into the steering wheel, that gave you a bad cut on the right side of your head, which has been sutured. But, as I said, I believe you may be suffering from amnesia, and, due to the severity and placement of the trauma to your head, you have an inability to recall events from the past 3 years. As you also know, this may mean that you are unable to remember some people and faces." He broke off, waiting for her response and still at a safe distance from her bed.

Meredith could hardly take it in, "I..have...amnesia...amnesia...and...I was in a car accident, which obviously I don't remember because, oh yes! I have AMNESIA! Oh, and my wedding to that guy? I don't remember that either, because I have amnesia...and the breakthrough in Alzheimers that I researched? Forgotten, again, because, Ihaveamnesia!!" She was panicking, she knew she was panicking...and rambling, never a good combination in her experience. She needed Cristina, where was she?

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Meredith had finally been discharged, with surprising ease she found, all the nurses scuttled around doing everything fast before running a mile. When walking round the hospital people actually turned the other way when they saw her coming, some even ran into store cupboards, and she was extremely surprised when an attending literally ran away from her, scarpering down the hall. Okay, this was seriously freaking her out now, she knew Derek had said she'd changed, but it can't have been that bad, could it? Had she actually become her mother? Her question was answered when she walked along a busy corridor, and as she walked, the throng parted before her, leaving a cowering mass of interns and residents in her wake.

Hoping to find some normality in her friends she made her way to the surgery resident's lounge, praying to God that they were there, she really needed to be with people who didn't hate her. She pushed open the door to find Cristina, Izzie, George and Alex all sat on the plush sofa's chatting to each other, definately a sight for Meredith's sore eyes.

"Thank GOD you're all here!" She made her way over to them and sat herself down between Cristina and George. "You would not believe the day I'm having." She looked around everyone to see that they were all staring at each other, all with the same scared and confused expression on their faces. "Not you guys too? Come on, I can't have been that bad these past three years! Oh, by the way, amnesia patient here, don't have a clue what's happened since my hen party when I fell off the table. Ha! Can you believe it? Ooh, who's Finn, can you help me out here?" She looked at her friends again, only to find that Cristina had got up in disgust and sat over by the computers, and the rest had all edged further away down the sofas. They all hate me too, she thought to herself, they all hate me, even Cristina.

She walked over to Cristina, "Hey, come on, you aren't all mad at me are you?" A snort of laughter burst from Cristina's mouth.

"Oh come ON Grey! Like we're gonna believe anything you say. Amnesia? Are you kidding me? Someone must have really screwed you over, huh? Why don't you just get lost alright? Dr. Grey with her Harper Avery nomination can go back to her perfect little office, and back to her perfect little marriage with her Vet!" She stood up and stalked out of the room, slamming the door behind her.

Meredith turned to face the others again, "Guys?" Her voice had taken on a pleading note, she was desperate, "You don't ALL hate me do you?" Tears were beginning to brim at her eyes again, but she blinked them back.

"Look, we don't know what you're playing at, but just, stop it okay? You've done just fine these past few years without us, we don't see why you'd need us now." George said all this looking into his lap, never once meeting her tearful gaze.

"But..." She was lost for words. Alex, Izzie and George all got up, following Cristina's lead and left the room. The door slammed shut again, echoing the fact that she was all alone, back to her. Her person hated her, her friends all despised her, she was married to a man she didn't even know, and now she was nominated for a Harper Avery award, for research that she didn't even remember doing. Great, just...great....

**I think it's a bit confusing about Finn, but basically Mer and Finn dated before and all that stuff happened that happened in Grey's.  I think it'll be more clear as I go on, but if it isn't clear, a side-effect of her amnesia is that she has completely forgotten Finn, so that's why she's like whhatt? about him lol.**


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